I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
