he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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