my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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