nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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