i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
