Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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