I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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