hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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