I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
