Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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