Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
