Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
