Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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