addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
