stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
