Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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