Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
