super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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