Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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