Yo dont text me then not text me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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