How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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