I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
