Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
