This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
