i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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