Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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