you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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