i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
