Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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