My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
