i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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