Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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