Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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