she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Text me some of your sweat
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