so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
