You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
