Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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