Tell her she can't have a vagina
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
