i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
