I'm gonna have a badass scar
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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