I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
