Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize