I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
