You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
pop tarts are not kleenex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
