shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
