Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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