he puts the penis in happiness.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
