Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
