He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
