I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Text me some of your sweat
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
