I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
