Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
