She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
