a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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