Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
