another moral hangover. fuck.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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