I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
