every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
