I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
