literally had 100 drinks last night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
