My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
