I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize