I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
