youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
